Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
