I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She said her name was "party"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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