Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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