Kiss
Puke
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
