I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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