really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
