When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
