He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
