you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
