it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
