yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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