Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
