____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
