White coat. Heels.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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