Kiss
Puke
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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