My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
