Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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