dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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