So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
