Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
