if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
