dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You smell like stripper and shame
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
