The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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