i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
