hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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