Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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