Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
