I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
