Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
