he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
