dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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