There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize