Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
