i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
last night I used snow as a chaser
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize