I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
