you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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