I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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