I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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