Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
