don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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