Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
