I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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