So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
