she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
