Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
