I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
