oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
