i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
