Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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