yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Randomize
