I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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