Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
