HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
