No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
