You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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