so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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