the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
