no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
