C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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