oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
