I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
