she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
