she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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