Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
