I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
