he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
