Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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