If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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